It’s a simple formula really. You’re a single guy walking into a pool of 25 hot pre-selected women who are all willing to do whatever it takes to win you over. Seems like pretty good odds for any man. Well it turns out that a stint on “The Bachelor” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be for the following reasons:
4) You will definitely get an STD The only reason any red-blooded American male agrees to go on the bachelor is for the money. But the second biggest reason is that all of those 25 hot pre-selected women are in the biggest cat fight of their lives trying to get a ring out of you and thus their morals fly out the window. Sex on the first date? Pretty much guaranteed…with all of them. The downside? You’ll be taking Valtrex once daily to suppress that pesky herpes problem that one of the chicks is inevitably carrying and “forgot” to mention to the producers.
3) You’re going to lose your inheritance The guys that go on The Bachelor are all well bred, well groomed gents from respectable families. You know how proud rich Auntie Gertrude was when you got into Yale and how she put a special place for you in her will? Well get ready for a re-write. Aunties and Grandmas and pretty much every member of your family who holds the purse strings won’t take too kindly to you whoring yourself out in a hot tub or slathering five different women with KY during your group couples massage. Because really, The Bachelor is like a one man brothel, and no blue blooded family needs any more televised sexual escapades.
2) It’s all about feelings, 24/7 Romance is great, but you’re stuck in a house for 2 months straight with all these girls talking about your feelings and emotions which will later be broadcast on national television over and over again. You could be a doctor, an astronaut, or even Chuck Norris but once the cameras start rolling it’s like watching a crash course in sensitivity training. If all your friends from home aren’t convinced that you’re secretly gay by the 4th episode it will be a miracle.
1) You’re still going home single The Bachelor has been on TV for about a decade yet only one couple has ever gotten married. This means that 24 of those 25 ladies will think you’re the ultimate d-bag because you dumped them during a rose ceremony while the whole world watched, and things really won’t work out for that last girl that you were forced to propose to after knowing her for only 8 weeks. And really how could it last? You only met her parents once and didn’t realize at the time that her mom was bat shit crazy because you were drunk off of all that free champagne they serve in the limos. As soon as the cameras are off and you sober up its like waking up after a one night stand, only the girl is slightly less random and happens to have a $100k diamond on her left finger.
