Jilted winner of
The Bachelor Melissa Rycroft has found comfort in the arms of Dallas insurance agent Ty Strickland, and while we’re happy she has a temporary replacement for king-of-indecision Jason Mesnick, we think she needs to step it up if she’s really going to stick it to him. Nice as this Ty may be, no one’s ever heard of him, and their relationship was barely a blurb in last week’s
People. If she has any intention of proving that her ex-fiance made a huge mistake, she has to climb the Hollywood social ladder and score the hottest, sexiest, most sought-after lover in town. Here’s the five-step program we suggest Melissa use to make her ascent:
Steve Wozniak: We know what you’re thinking. He’s fat, he’s ultra nerdy, and he’s pretty much the antithesis of a Hollywood hottie. But let’s not forget, as co-founder of Apple, he’s also a
billionaire. Step one for Melissa is to shimmy on over to her fellow
Dancing With the Stars contestant and make him so smitten with her that he buys her everything she needs to fit right in on the Hollywood scene. With an upgraded wardrobe, sporty new car and sweet new local digs, guys will be clamoring to get their digits into her new iPhone.
Chace Crawford: No stranger to the party scene, it will only be a matter of time until Melissa meets up with the
Gossip Girl star and woos the fellow Texan with her cougar-ly charms. It shouldn’t be difficult, considering we hear he has an eye for the older ladies... coughCarrieUnderwood... coughcoughDrewBarrymore...
Colin Farrell: With one sexy star under her belt, Melissa will be ready to trade up to a power player. Someone a little more age appropriate and a little less easy to attain. There’s nobody a guy hates to imagine his ex-girlfriend with more than notorious panty-dropper Colin Farrell. He has just enough notoriety to officially make Melissa a hot commodity, and just enough ass-grabbing inappropriateness to make Jason’s blood boil. Jealous yet, J?
John Krasinski: Once Melissa’s party days are over and she’s rocketed to fame, it will be time to settle down a bit.
The Office star will sweep in at just the right moment to make her the pretty half of Hollywood’s new “it” couple. They’ll meet, they’ll swoon, they’ll make kissy faces at each other on the red carpet. They’ll be the sweetest pair in town until she finally meets...
George Clooney: Aaah Clooney. The ultimate bachelor. The ultimate prize. With George on her arm, Melissa dangles the gold medal of the bachelor Olympics for the whole world to see. There’s no one smoother, more smoldering, or harder to get than him. Score Clooney and you win, hands down. We think you can do it, Melissa.
Jason who?
